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Adoption vs. natural child birth
I've really wondered through this process of having a baby the natural way if things would be different in my feelings towards my kids. I know people are skeptical of adopting because they think it might be harder for them to bond with kids that didn't actually come from them. Here's my thoughts so far...
I think I bonded quicker with Zeke and Sofia then with Moses. Please don't get me wrong...I couldn't love my little guy any more than I do and the birthing experience was amazing. But given the circumstances surrounding the adoption of Zeke and Sofia, it just feels different.
Zeke was a miracle baby in every since of the word. We had been trying forever with no success...going to foster kid training...and get a call out of nowhere, and we become parents in a day. Zeke was born 2 lbs. 11 ounces and had to stay in the hospital for 2 months before he came out. The joy of having a baby and the agony of watching his fragile life come to health brought us so close to Zeke that our connection was overwhelming.
With Sofia we traveled across the world twice to make her a part of our family. And the trip along with the paper work was about as stressful as anything I would wish on anyone. By the time she was actually ours she had every piece of our hearts!
The whole pregnancy was really weird for us...we didn't know what to expect...and then all of a sudden we had a new little dude as part of our house! It was work and worry (mostly on Alyssa's part) but it just didn't have the same weight that our adoptions had.
Moses is amazing and I feel closer to him every day and can't wait to see how he will fit into our crazy family. I just thought it was worth saying that adoption is the real deal! Every parent in the world should adopt or take in a foster child or support others adoptions if they're able...that's my opinion. It is a beautiful picture of what Jesus did for us.
12 comments:
Thank you.
Interesting observations. We miss you guys. We gotta take a road trip when you guys are up for visitors. Lets plan something like in three or four months.
-Case
I loved this blog!!! Thank You for continuing to help us open our eyes.
I know it is different for every parent, but I absolutely feel the same about my daughter (who is adopted) and my sons (who are not). I love them all more than words could say!
I hoped you would write a blog about this. I'm really interested in knowing how it feels to do both. I guess the only way to know is to do it ourselves, right? Well you guys are amazing parents to all three of your beautiful kids! Keep it up.
Adoption- 'the standing of the sons'
Thanks for this! Found your blog through Karen and Steve.
We are in the process of adopting our first child, but hope (Lord willing!) to have a mix of adopted and biological kids. I appreciate what you had to say!
-beka
Amen to that!! We are so happy for you guys. Congratulations!! Love you, The Gores
sometimes I wonder if my parents adopted Benji ... I guess we'll never know ... nathan ...
I was wondering this, too, especially since we would like to adopt in the next few years. I do know that it took both Josh and I a little while to really warm up to our babies. Usually around three to four months, we would look at them and suddenly realize the bonds that were there and they suddenly became so precious. Not that they weren't before, its just different when they're so unresponsive. Anyway, thanks for sharing!
Dan & Alyssa, Congratulations! It is so fun to read your blogs - what a life! Dan, this post is such a wonderful confirmation for me and Woei. We have had people make some weird comments sometimes about how it can't be the same, but we keep thinking even if we were able to have a biological child too one day, we wouldn't love it more or differently. Thanks. And I am so happy for you guys! What a beautiful family!!!!!!!!!!! Kara
Dan, I never had any bio babies, so I can't speak to that, but I cannot IMAGINE being any more bonded to my babies than I am. The first time I met Jake, and the social worker set him on my lap, I fell in love with him. It had been exactly nine months of foster care and adoption paperwork and anticipation. It took a little longer for him to bond to me, but he did. Another 18 months would pass before he became ours through adoption. I was incredibly blessed to meet Emme shortly after her birth, even though she didn't come to live with us until she was three months old. By the time she moved in, my heart was locked to hers. And the months of physical therapy that followed actually brought us unbelievably closer.
I've spoken to a few bio parents who say that I couldn't possibly understand what it's like to have a baby that's genetically related to me (but really, we're all related, anyway).
And I completely agree with you that everyone that is able should do something. Maybe you can't invite a child into your home, but do something to help someone else! As a former foster mom, adoptive mom, and former foster child myself (orphaned with no adult relatives), I can assure you that the need is great.
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